just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
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