Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
where are you?
Hypothermia
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
