She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I have tasted many bathrooms
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
