She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
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