she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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