some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
