I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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