In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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