sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
