I can feel you judging me through the phone.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
