well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
