i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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