MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
