got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
