All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
