would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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