two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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