I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
