id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize