dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
