the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
