Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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