I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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