New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
