Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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