She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
3 2 1 whiskey
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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