drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize