don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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