Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
we should paint friendship bongs
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
