Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You made out with two different species that night
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
