Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We got so high we made milksteak
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
