Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
