No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
