hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
