Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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