And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
