We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
