Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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