..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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