I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
