no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
