There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
