I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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