is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
