So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
