i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
