You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
