youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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