the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
