Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
