if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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