I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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