apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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