I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
