forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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