i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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