I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
