OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
