Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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