i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
it's like heaven, but drunker
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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