I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
