i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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