I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
