What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
