She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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