just tell him i said nine months
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
