omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
