i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
