don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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