i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
