i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
