Apparently you make a good broom.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
