HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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