where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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