end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
