those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize