nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
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The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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