you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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