he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
