My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
