i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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