You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
